


fed gold by sweet fools

by teruhvighnen



Series: the drug, the dark, the light, the flame [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Break-up & Make-up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Endgame stucky, Kid Fic, M/M, Separation and Reconciliation, outsider pov, sharon's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-07
Updated: 2019-05-07
Packaged: 2020-02-27 13:49:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18740317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teruhvighnen/pseuds/teruhvighnen
Summary: Sharon has only been dating Steve for three months when she gets invited to a weekend away at Sam and Riley's place. Sharon thinks this dating thing with Steve is going well, that is, until she meets James Barnes, Steve's ex-husband.





	fed gold by sweet fools

**Author's Note:**

> this is stucky endgame, it's just in sharon's pov don't worry  
> tata is romanian for dad, google said so  
> america's latina so she calls her grandma abuela

Sharon has only been dating Steve for three months, so it comes as both a shock and a relief that he is inviting her to come along to the annual Erskine-Wilson Family Barbecue, a whole weekend of family fun at Sam and Riley’s place. Sharon knows there’s probably going to be a lot of people there and apprehension suddenly starts pushing away the excitement she feels. Steve reaches for her hand across the console. And with his megawatt smile reassuring her, Sharon can’t help but smile back at him.

Sam and Riley’s cabin is two hours outside the city which means that the kids, who were previously preoccupied with the Incredibles 2 movie, now have a couple of minutes to ask their father questions about the weekend. Sharon doesn’t have a lot of experience with kids so their cute innocent inquiring questions make her smile, and Steve’s resilience in answering them as accurately as he can is even more adorable.

_Dad, are we sharing a room like last time? Dad, are there gonna be fireworks like last time? Dad, is Sharon sharing a room with us? Dad, did you remember to bring America’s birthday gift? Dad, I don’t remember what we got her._

Steve answers it all in stride. _Maybe, we’ll see, buddy. I don’t know, pal. Uhhh, we’ll see, buddy. Yes, David. We got her some coloring books and some reading books, and we named a star after her. Maybe you guys will be able to see it if you ask Uncle Riley nicely to use his telescope._

Those are some grade-A gifts, if Sharon says so herself.

Steve turns on his signal and turns right into a long driveway, long enough for Elijah to ask one more question in the privacy and comfort of their car.

“D’you think _Tata_ ’s gonna come this year?” Steve’s smile falters, this is the first thing Sharon notices.

But Steve is quick to recover as he parks the car and then turns slightly so he can look at Elijah properly.

“I don’t know, pal. But it would be awesome if your _Tata_ came, yeah?” Elijah is nine, and maybe he hasn’t figured out the world yet, but this, Sharon thinks, Elijah knows by heart. There are no promises made, no clear denials, and Elijah just nods and smiles at what Steve has said.

In the three months that Sharon has been dating Steve, the topic of his ex-husband has come up only three times: first, on their second date, she learned that Steve is separated with two kids; second, on David’s fifth birthday a month ago, she learned that Steve’s ex-husband had been a sergeant in the army because he had sent David his dog tags which David now wears around his neck underneath his shirt; third, last night when Sharon had come over to sleep in the guest bedroom because Steve’d wanted them to head out as early as possible, Sharon learned that the sergeant had been a good one, heroic enough to receive the Bronze Star, she had seen it in Elijah’s room when she had walked past it while the kids were in the bathroom brushing their teeth.

James, (because that had been the name on the dog tags and the Bronze Star), is still a mystery to Sharon even though she could somewhat piece together who he is. There hadn’t been a lot of pictures at Steve’s house and she didn’t want to pry because three months is not nearly enough to have that kind of privilege. She thinks most of the pictures are in the kids’ bedrooms.

Half of her hopes James will come, just so she can see the man who either had enough courage or stupidity to walk away from Steve and Elijah and David. Half of her hopes James doesn’t come, because it was clearly more about the courage than the stupidity that had made him leave. A US Army sergeant who had been awarded the Bronze Star, who sent money and gifts to his children every year without fail, who has not incited any badmouthing from Steve or his friends after the separation, Sharon has grown up around enough military personnel and been raised by good people to know that whatever happened, James is a good person. And maybe that’s enough to know, she doesn’t need to meet him. There’s this tiny kindling of jealousy alive inside Sharon. She can admit this to herself, try as she might to stomp on that barely-alive feeling of jealousy, the half of her that doesn’t want to see James this weekend is winning.

She gets out of the car just as the front door opens. A tiny blur of wavy hair and swift feet rushes past her.

“America, slow down!” Sam hollers after her and the little girl, America, smiles innocently back at her father before she’s drowning in a fierce embrace from her two cousins. Sharon can see the mischievous glint in the kids’ eyes, one that Steve knows is already there because he’s got his Dad-voice activated when he tells Elijah and David that they must help unload the car before they can run off to play.

“Please, you just have to carry your own bag to the room and then you can play.” Elijah hefts his duffel bag and helps David secure his backpack from out of the back of the car.

“You guys can share the bedroom next to America’s. It’s got a bunk-bed and everything,” Sam tells them and then they’re off, feet scuffling inside and stomping up the stairs. America turns too, to run after her cousins but not before she shouts “Hi! Uncle Steve! Hi! Pretty lady!”

Sam laughs, shrugs his shoulders, “Kids, eh? What can you do? Anyways, yeah, hi, pretty lady.” His arm is outstretched to Sharon.

“Sharon.”

“Welcome to our house, Sharon.” Sam then turns to Steve, brings him in for a good hug. “I set you guys up in the master, okay? Unless you’d prefer a different arrangement?”

“Aw, Sam, Sharon and I can be in the basement, you don’t have to kick yourselves out of your bedroom.” Sharon is okay with the basement idea too.

Sam is shaking his head though, “Naw, man. You guys stay in the master, that way you’re closer to the kids too if they need you. Riley and I will be fine.” He doesn’t give Steve any time to protest. Sam grabs the bag Sharon was going for and smiles at her. “Let’s get you two set up. Riley’s in the kitchen.”

* * *

 

Riley and Steve look nothing alike. Okay, that’s not true. They’re both kind of blond. Well, Steve’s blond. Riley’s hair seems to fluctuate between blond and red depending on the light. The point is, they don’t have to look alike. Riley and Steve may be brothers but that was only because they had been adopted by the same man, Dr. Abraham Erskine. Needless to say, Riley and Steve acted like brothers and acted like family regardless of their biological roots. Steve had kept his Rogers surname but Riley, having had no knowledge of his biological parents, adopted the Erskine surname. Sharon learns that Riley and Sam had gotten together by way of Steve. Riley tells her that it’s not fairytale story; it’s as simple as Sam spraining an ankle while Sam and Steve were running at ass o’clock. Steve had helped Sam back to his and Riley’s old apartment in the city when they were finishing up college and the rest is history.

“Tell me about yourself,” Riley says to Sharon and she gives him the basic rundown. Army brat until she was seven. Father died serving. Mother left her to be raised by Aunt Peggy. Yadda yadda yadda, she went to high school in New York, then college in Boston. She works for Stark Industries and she met Steve three months ago when Tony Stark purchased three paintings which he had charged Sharon to oversee. Steve had personally delivered the canvasses to the Tower and then he’d asked Sharon out to thank her for helping him install them.

“I’m betting that Steve was not as eloquent as you made him out to be, but that’s a cute story.” Sharon laughs, no, Steve was not as eloquent. He had fumbled and tripped on his words and his feet until Sharon had simply said “it’s a date” and that was that. Steve had taken her out the next day to a restaurant. He had taken her back to his house on the eighth date right before David’s birthday so that she could meet his children. Elijah had been stoic, and David had been curious but neither of them had expressed any sort of dislike to her, so she counts it as a win.

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.”

Sharon feels lucky. “Thanks. I’m glad I’m here too.”

* * *

 

More of the Erskine-Wilson clan get in just in time for lunch. By then, Riley and Sam and Sharon (“Steve is not allowed in my kitchen”) have prepared a feast made for a village. Sam’s parents coo over America and shower her with gifts. Sam protests that America’s birthday is tomorrow, and they should give the gifts tomorrow, not today. America runs off with three boxes and stores them in her room before her father can confiscate them.

“I won’t open them ‘til midnight, Pop, I promise!”

The Wilson clan is loud and cheerful and they integrate Sharon into their circle. By two p.m. Sharon is comfortable nestled on a bench in the backyard between Sam’s cousin’s best friend, Maria, and Maria’s fiancée, Carol. They’ve been talking about their similarities (Army backgrounds, entitled men, and whatnot) when the door to the backyard slides open and a man comes through. The man’s gait is something between a swagger and a strut, all welcoming confidence. His brown hair is short, he’s got a neat full beard. The man drops the duffel bag and Sharon notices that the man only has one arm. The left sleeve of his bomber jacket flails unceremoniously with the summer breeze. Time is standing still, Sharon notices, because everyone has turned to the newcomer and no one has said anything. Until the bag is dropped. Once the man’s one arm is free of the straps of the duffel, everything snaps back into motion. Elijah, David, America, Monica (Maria and Carol’s daughter), and Falcon and Sarge (the dogs) rush out to the man. In a flurry, the kids who had all been preoccupied with eating or playing had stopped what they were doing and ran. At first it looks innocent, but Sharon can see that this is a competition. The kids are all eyeing each other as they run and ignoring the adults as they tell them to stop running. America and David win (because Elijah is old enough to know better and Monica is too young to keep up).

As an adult, Sharon knows that America and David should not be running full-speed towards the man, much less jumping into him. Sharon watches as the man gets on his knees, ready for the impact. David jumps on the left side, hugging the man, David’s arms around his neck. America jumps on the right side and the man catches her with his arm. He kisses David’s forehead and tickles America’s stomach. Elijah and Monica come into the embrace together; Monica’s tiny hand clasped in Elijah’s protective one. The man looks up at Elijah and puts his right hand out to pull Elijah in. Sharon can’t see Elijah’s face anymore but the trembling in his shoulders say that he’s crying. Monica pushes her way in until the man has to sit on his ass on the deck, legs stretched out, and Monica has climbed onto his lap, her tiny fists grabbing onto the bomber jacket.

Everyone around Sharon is laughing. Whoever this man is, and Sharon has a good idea of who he is, he is very much loved by the Erskine-Wilson clan. The mood around her, as good as it was, has been made great by the arrival of the man.

Carol shifts beside Sharon, putting her plate down where she had been sitting. “Monica, sweetie, don’t tug on Uncle Bucky’s beard.” She’s up and walking towards the gaggle of kids. When she’s near, the kids let up, letting go of _Uncle Bucky_. Bucky stands up then as he takes Elijah’s extended hand. Carol picks up Monica and then hugs Bucky. He hugs her back. This starts a seemingly endless wave of people coming to greet Bucky. Eventually, he ends up in front of Mrs. Wilson who had given embraced the life out of Sharon just a couple hours ago. The hug she gives Bucky is as tight if not more so, but there’s no hint of discomfort from Bucky. In fact, he looks like he’s never ever been hugged before and he just melts into her. She’s shorter than him, she’s shorter than Sharon even, but anyone could tell she’s versed in the art of making people bigger than her feel better (or worse).

The conversations around Sharon start up again but she’s still concentrated on the conversation between Bucky and Mrs. Wilson. They’re a bit farther away from her so she doesn’t hear Mrs. Wilson's work, the older woman speaking too softly for Sharon to hear, but she does hear Bucky call her Mama. His face is cradled in her wrinkled, hard-working hands. They trade soft smiles. Bucky looks like he’s going to cry; he looks like a kid. Sharon’s attention is taken away from Bucky and Mrs. Wilson when Steve, who was standing with Sam and watching him flip burgers (Sam was schooling him on how to grill), comes over. At first, she thinks she’s going to get introduced to Bucky but Steve settles next to her and starts asking if she’s comfortable and if people are treating her okay. Sharon smiles and nods at him. From the corner of her eye, she can see that Mrs. Wilson has let go of Bucky which starts another round of greetings; the sea of people looks boundless. Steve has started talking to Sharon again and she turns her attention to him, answering and laughing and joking. After, when she’s done with her food, when Steve offers to take her paper plate with him to the garbage, Sharon notices that Bucky is nowhere in sight. Neither are any of the kids. They must have all gone inside.

* * *

 

At ten p.m., Sam’s cousins say goodnight, promising to come back bright and early tomorrow for America’s birthday party. Eventually, everyone follows suit. Mrs. Wilson is the last to leave. She pinches Steve and Riley’s cheeks, pats Sam and Bucky’s faces, and then she gives Sharon another hug, not as tight as before but just as loving. The kids she kisses on the top of their heads.

“See you tomorrow, _abuela_ ,” America says and Mrs. Wilson answers, “See you tomorrow, _mijita._ ”

When Mrs. Wilson is gone, the kids turn back around, their focus all on Bucky again as if they hadn’t been probably monopolizing his time all afternoon and evening. They jump on him in the living room and Sharon still hasn’t been introduced which is neither of their faults. James or Bucky or whatever his name was, was popular and in-demand.

“Okay, kiddos, let Bucky rest. You guys go change into your pajamas and when you’re done, I’ll have some hot chocolate ready for you.” Riley says, diplomatically. The children detach themselves from Bucky and run up the stairs to their bedrooms. “Don’t –” Riley starts to say but they’re too fast for him, already gone before he can tell them to stop running.

“Thanks,” Bucky says, arm outstretched. Riley pulls him up. “I’m gonna go bring my bag down to the basement.” His duffel is by the door and he grabs it as he goes down to basement. Sharon looks at the three men remaining. They look back at her as if none of them know what to do.

“Baileys hot chocolate, anyone?” Sam offers, breaking the silence and then they’re bounding to the kitchen.

“That was fun,” Sharon says as they’re all sitting around the island counter. Riley is pulling out ingredients and Sam is pulling down mugs from the cabinets.

“I’m glad you had fun,” Steve says and kisses her cheek. Sam and Riley don’t say anything back, but she can see their pursed lips and the way they’re making sure they’re not making eye contact. Sharon doesn’t know if that’s to give her and Steve some privacy or because they don’t think she should be here.

Elijah comes down first, asking “Where’s _Tata_?” To which Steve says, “Basement. Knock before you go in.” Elijah nods and walks away. David and America come down together.

“Where’d Eli go?” David asks, and Steve picks him up, and places him on his lap.

“He went to the basement to look for your father.”

“Oh, can I go?”

Steve gives an exaggerated groan, “I barely saw you today. I’m think I wanna keep you.” He tightens his arms around David who laughs at Steve. Sharon turns slightly and sees America standing there. She puts her arms up and Sharon pulls her up into her lap. If nothing else, Sharon’s glad the kids like her.

Bucky and Elijah make their way into the kitchen several moments later. Then hot chocolate is served. The kids dominate the conversation. America asks her fathers what the party is going to be like tomorrow. _Surprise, mi hija_ Riley says. David asks (again) if they have America’s present. _Yes, buddy,_ Steve says.

“Can we camp out tonight, Dad?” Elijah asks, but his gaze roams and lands on every adult in the room.

“It’s pretty late, Eli. Maybe tomorrow night.” Steve says and Sharon catches both Elijah and Bucky’s shoulder deflate a little.

“Okay. Promise?”

Steve looks at Sam who nods to him. “Yes, promise.”

* * *

 

Something tells Sharon that the camping idea was not solely Elijah’s. When she comes down from the bedroom where Steve and her are staying, the pergola lights in the backyard are on and she can see a figure sitting down on the bench swing. She had been thirsty and that’s what she came down for. She fills up a glass of water and then walks to the sliding door. Bucky looks at her and then waves his hand. She slides the door open carefully and then joins him on the bench swing. Falcon and Sarge are sleeping by Bucky's feet.

“I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced,” he says. “James Barnes.” Sharon shakes his hand.

“Yes, you seemed very popular. Sharon Carter.”

“Any relation to the great Peggy Carter?”

Sharon nods, “She’s my aunt.”

James Barnes’ smile widens. “Then, you can call me Bucky. What brings you out here? Steve’s snoring too loud, huh?”

Sharon blushes, “Just thirsty,” she says, showing him the glass of water. “You?”

“Can’t see the night sky like this in the city,” he says, gazing up. Sharon neither likes nor dislikes the sky at any time of day but she finds herself peering up at the darkness too.

“D’you feel like we should be having this conversation sharing a beer or a joint or something?” Bucky inquires, neck resting on the back of the bench, head tilted up, like he really does want this conversation to be mediated by booze or drugs.

Sharon shrugs and takes a drink from her water. Bucky chuckles at her.

“I wish it was and if we were having this kind of conversation two years ago, I’d have both choices for you right now.”

Sharon thinks about what Bucky is saying. “Is that where you were? Rehab?” She says and then straightens her back, “Oh shit. I didn’t mean—”

Bucky laughs at her, waves his hand. “Don’t worry about it.” He sighs, blows air out of his mouth. “You know, everyone here today, they know my story. They all know. It’s kinda nice to have someone not knowing.”

Sharon bites her lip. “Rehab then? Kinda explains why you know Aunt Peggy too.”

Bucky isn’t looking at her but she’s looking at him, cataloguing every move. He nods and then closes his eyes. “Yeah. You know. She’s amazing. She helped me get into rehab and then get me to therapy and everything.” She’s nodding along but not interrupting.

“I wasn’t in any place to be worthy of Steve and the kids. People kept calling me a hero and thanking me for my service. They gave me the Bronze Star. They keep talking about the people I saved. I never talked about the people I lost, the parts of me that I lost.” Somehow, she can tell that he’s not just talking about the arm.

Bucky continues, “I hated the person I was when I came back. I looked at Eli and David and I knew if I didn’t get better, I’d lose them forever.”

“You gave up being with them.”

Bucky looks at her, “They’re worth everything. It wasn’t fair to make Steve wait, either.”

“Did he have a choice?”

Bucky’s eyes narrow at her but she doesn’t relent. “What?”

“You left. Did he have a say in it? Whether it was fair or not to make him wait? Maybe he would’ve waited.”

“He’s dating you, right? So obviously…he wasn’t going to.”

“Because you took the choice away from him.”

“Shit…” Bucky says, not in realization of anything. Just to swear, to let out an emotion.

“If you still love him. If he still loves you, I’m sure you can work something out. You’re good now, right? You’re better. You can be the man you want to be, need to be?”

“But you’re dating him.” Bucky says as if Sharon is not aware of that fact. She shrugs. Dating is not permanent; there hasn’t been any proposals or promises between Steve and her. She can’t let this go on anyway if she finds out that Steve still loves Bucky.

“How long have you known Steve? How long were you guys together?”

Bucky smiles, reminisces. “Since we were kids. Since he was sixteen.” It’s enough, Sharon thinks, it’s a lifetime. Steve is sweet and funny and adorable awkward but he’s not her end-all-be-all. There’s this man in front of her who has known and loved Steve probably all their lives. It is self-preservation to let go of Steve, to let him have another chance with his co-parent, with his first husband. It is better for everyone if Sharon lets go now.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Bucky tells her pointedly. “Don’t give up on Steve just because of me.”

“James Barnes, who do you think you are? Maybe I’m doing it for me.”

“Bucky.”

Sharon narrows her eyes at him, “James.”

Bucky puts up his right hand, holds out his pinky finger, “Promise?”

Their pinky fingers hook together. She smiles at him, “Promise.”

Bucky smirks, “I should introduce you to Natasha tomorrow. You’ll like her.”

“Alright, tell me about her.”

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> ok technically steve and bucky dont even interact in this :/ lmao


End file.
